By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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