i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
