If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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