watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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