I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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