Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
