walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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