You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
