I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
