Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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