I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
