dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
