are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
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this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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