it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
