South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
