I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I woke up under a house in Key West
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