THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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