Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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