When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
