At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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