You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
