you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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