is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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