She's like a pop up book from hell.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We are all done wearing pants today
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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