i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
