when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
