she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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