that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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