I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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