He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My hand turned me down
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
