I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
