i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
