I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
