stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
