I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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