Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
