It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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