; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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