so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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