just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
