The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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