I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
