i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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