Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
