remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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