dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
smell my finger.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
