mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
