R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
