mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
