Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
