Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
