why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
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Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You did what with his pubic hair?
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