I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
