hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
