I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
