Your tits are I can't wait for
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
