i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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