he told me I talked like a deaf person
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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