I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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