you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
