im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
