Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
