everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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