I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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