if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
