last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
