it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Randomize