she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
