i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
