I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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