Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
