me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
