I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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