i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
