It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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