how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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