Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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