I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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