frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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