I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize